Silence Your Inner Voice: How to Overcome Self Doubt to Speak with Confidence?

"I Hate Public Speaking!" That was my first thought when I stepped away from the microphone from my most recent talk. Every little erm, cough and slip of the tongue whirled around my head with my inner voice telling me that I suck at this and I shouldn't bother.

Yet when the event was over several people came up to me telling me how much they enjoyed my presentation! And when I listened back to myself (Yes! I record myself for training and monitoring purposes.) I realised those thoughts' I was having when I just finished were completely unfounded.

If you are introverted and shy like me you probably know where I am coming from. Having low self esteem and self confidence can make us feel like everything we do, even the things we are quite good at, we suck at! Even when we have done a good job.

So how can we counteract that feeling of doubt and negativity? Here are three ways I have found work really well for me.

1. Set Yourself Up for Success!

I've been speaking from stages since for nearly twenty years and I can tell you that due to my self confidence and natural disposition, self doubt doesn't ever fully leave you. So knowing how I will feel once I've finished a speech, I make sure I set myself up to win before taking the mic.

Yes this means Preparing and Practicing what you are going to say. The saying goes that 'failing to prepare, means your preparing to fail' which is definitely true when your worst critic (Yourself) is waiting to berate you for every tiny little trip or slip the moment you stop talking.

Remember that a good presentation is 90% preparation and only 10% delivery so make sure your setting yourself up to succeed by doing good research, creating a killer outline to follow and practicing it till you are comfortable and satisfied with what you are going to say.

For more help with preparing a speech watch this video

2. Get In Your Corner!

Before a Boxer or Athlete competes in an event, their coach will often take them to one side and mentally prepare them for what is to come. They will psyche them up and build up there confidence before taking on the challenge. During the event they will get into there corner and give them advice and more pumping up before sending them back out.

You have to do that for yourself. If you are waiting to take the stage for an event be your own coach, take yourself to one side and fight the anxiety that is building by reminding yourself of why you have been asked to speak, highlight where you excel or why the people need to hear what you have prepared.

And during your presentation if there is a pause, get back in your corner, fight the negativity that is building by building yourself up, reminding yourself that you've got this.

Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking and Psyching yourself up. It can calm your nerves and help steady you as you go forward.

For more help with Psyching yourself up watch this video

3. Time and Space!

Something I can count on pretty much every time I speak from a stage is getting off feeling that I did a terrible job. I know from the time and effort I put in and the responses I get afterwards that it is just my own insecurities that make me feel that way.

I have learnt that I need to give myself time and space to be able to objectively assess how things went. And you should too!

I actively promote the idea of reviewing how your last speech went and looking for improvements. I really do record myself so that I can listen back to it later. But you have to be in the right frame of mind where you are not going to be overly critical but can be objective. 

The time this requires will change for everyone so look for the right sweet spot for yourself but as a guide I usually have to give it about a week before I wont cringe at every word I am saying.

Conclusion... 

It can be hard to overcome how we feel about ourselves, our doubts and self image. But you can stop beating yourself up when you haven't done anything wrong by setting yourself up for success with good preparation. Getting in your corner to psych yourself up before and during your presentation, and giving yourself time and space before launching into the criticism and putting yourself down when there is no basis to do so.